At this months staff meeting we were instructed in how to use a new online source of Professional Development (PD). Our instruction was partly the mechanics of using this new resource and partly expanding our vision of its application. After watching a video we were instructed to go to our own computers, find the area for reflections on the video and add our thoughts. Our participation is tracked and viewable to our school community.
I filled out my reflection and clicked on the submit button. Looking at my score board, I found that no matter how many times I punched that button and regardless of the vigor with which I did so, it obstinately declared that I had never filled out a reflection, no matter how small. Finally I noticed that underneath my reflections was another section. It is a section that will only open after a certain amount of time. It is a place to reflect about how watching the video has affected our practice over time.
I felt this was a good analogy to the way I feel about the value I have received from Yota Schneider’s course “The Practice of Letting Go.” While I got so much out of it while I was in the process, I find that the depth of what I learned is only manifesting itself in my consciousness as I settle into my new way of relating to the way my life is unfolding.
Going into the experience I was sure that I would have to let go of my insistence of getting back to writing. I had not found a way to fit it back into my schedule in a meaningful way for some time. I feared this would be my burden to bear. It wasn’t.
Before we begun I felt I was looking for a way to return to things the way I wanted to be. I suppose you could say that I wanted to get my way. What I got instead was a great acceptance of the parameters of my life as it is. The joy that is inherent in my life has become more clear and I am much more relaxed. I didn’t expect that.
Oddly enough the opportunity for concentrated writing time has suddenly appeared…at least for now. Now that I have the time I sit in front of my notebook or keyboard I am paralyzed. I have no idea where to start. So the start is here. Sitting with the computer open in a library I had not known existed six seeks ago. Sitting in a private study room with a view out the window. Typing words onto the screen, deleting them again, typing more. Sometimes the words I type the second time around are the same ones typed the first time. I type them until they feel right. Not perfect. Right.
Significantly, it became apparent that I was pushing too hard before I was actually ready. So I decided to own up to it and bow out for the nonce.
Oddly enough, this was accompanied by the strong feeling that it was the perfect time to take another course with Vivienne McMaster. This time I signed Treasure Teen and myself up for Be Your Own Beloved. It’s a course in self-care through self-portraits. The course I took last summer changed the way I take photographs. It was a lot of fun. BYOB is a very nurturing environment to explore photography. The photograph above was taken to represent something that nourishes me – tea in a travel mug to accompany me on my forty five minute commute.
These two courses were perfect for me in this season.